My life is full. Packed to the hilt with memories, experiences, visions, and dreams. Yet for some reason I feel stuck, confused, off kilter with who I am and what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m healthy, alive, open, and available for whatever life has to throw at me, but I don’t have any leanings towards any particular direction or calling. If I remain doing what I’m doing, I know my contribution would be admirable. As a chaplain caring for the spiritual needs of the terminally ill, I know I’m serving well. I suspect God Himself would be satisfied with my level of giving and sacrifice. But I’m not.
Not too long ago I felt and heard God’s nudges in my life, giving me the bearings needed to do what I was intended to do. With these nudges I got married, moved to Florida in pursuit of hotel in the Bahamas, went to college, helped plant a church and became a pastor, moved to South Africa and served as a missionary, then a chaplain and foster parent. Now, though I’m still serving well, I don’t feel as if I’m living as deeply and meaningfully as God intends.
How do I move forward?
I know this is a tough question to ask, and I suspect the answer would be different for each of us. After all, each of us have approached life and experienced life differently. Some of us got married, some of us stayed single, some of us have been divorced, and some have remarried. Some of us have children, some of us chose not to or, like myself and my wife, simply couldn’t. Some of us became wealthy, some of us are living paycheck to paycheck or, even worse, out of work altogether. Some of us are healthy, some of us are struggling with health issues, or attempting to endure the tragedy of a loved one’s health issues.
Regardless of life’s circumstances, each of us needs to pursue the passions of life God intended for us. I know this to be true because, as I mentioned before, I’ve lived in the depth of those passions. I’ve experienced first hand the fullness of life available to us all, and I know there’s more to be pursued, but I don’t know how to move forward!
For some reason I believe this coming Easter week is a perfect opportunity for me to glean some meaning from those of you out there asking similar questions and/or those of you who have considered these questions before. I have no idea what I will be able to do with your answers, thoughts, perspectives, or beliefs regarding what I’m asking for here…but I would really appreciate something, anything from you for me to ponder and chew for awhile! God bless you as you consider offering me…anything. Happy Holy Week!
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5 comments:
Dude, I've been asking that very same question for awhile now. I'll continue to ponder some more and let ya know if I come up with anything. :-)
Thanks Christina! As you probably noticed...I'm gonna be taking every piece of perspective I can get and chew on it all deeply this coming holy week! Yer a blessing!
So I really wanted to digest all you have written. Here is my "something(s)".
When my health took a crap (Aug of 2006), and I had to completely wipe EVERYTHING off my calendar and literally for MONTHS I could do NOTHING. I must say life for an "over-achiever" changed. You see no matter how much I wanted to do "something" I could do "nothing". Man O Man did that screw with my brain.
Now this is where it gets good. As you know I went to South Africa in May of 2006. This is where a guy I know (you) wrote a BBRT Journal for me (yes, just me, since the world does revolve around me) Anyway, in it....I learned to "JUST BE".
OK now it gets really good. If I had not read the book YOU wrote in May of 2006 when I first heard about the Listening posture. Trying to digest that just being me, was good enough (and in fact, WONDERFUL) in Aug of that same year when life as I knew it stopped which meant all I could do was Listen. I would not have understood that me "JUST being ME" was what God loved. I got to sit and talk with Jesus. Read the bible, and get to know the person (spirit) that my body most yearned for.
This is not to say, don't strive for betterment. However, know that because of the person you are you helped me be the person I am! (Chaos)
Just when you thought I was done (ha, fooled you). Just read this verse. You are one of two people I thought of as I did.
LOVE YA to pieces.
James 1:2-4 (The Message)
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
Sharon! YOU are SUCH a trouble maker! And I LOVE you for it! Thanks for those tough but encouraging memories to sift through and thoughts to ponder! As always, yer a blessing!
Sean
BTW did you know we are in JUNE...Since your last post was in April I was getting a bit worried
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